It all started innocently—one lazy evening with a cup of masala chai and yet another rewatch of the Pride and Prejudice BBC series. There was Mrs. Bennet, in full meltdown over what she saw as the end of the world: five daughters needing husbands, urgently. The daughters had a simple routine: look pretty, speak politely, take slow walks, and hope the right (read: rich) gentleman appeared. No resumes, no careers—just poise and patience, with life decisions quietly left to chance.
Then come Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy—and suddenly it’s all about income: £4,000 for one, £10,000 for the other. In today’s terms, that’s serious wealth. The moment this is known in Longbourn, attention shifts. Mothers begin hoping their daughters will catch their attention.
Jane Bennet, with her beauty and gentle nature, quickly draws Mr. Bingley’s interest. Elizabeth Bennet stands apart. She is outspoken, observant, and unwilling to simply agree to please others. At that time, these traits were not seen as strengths—they often worked against her. Even Mr. Darcy doesn’t warm to her immediately. It takes time for him to move from judgment to respect.
Honestly, drop me into that world, and I wouldn’t last long. The formal dances, the small talk—I’d probably ask one inconvenient question, “But what do these men actually do?” — and promptly lose social standing before dessert.
Yet, swap Regency ballrooms for wedding mandaps. Replace “fortune” with rich businessmen, Bollywood stars, or startup founders. The setting changes—but the expectations feel familiar.
Even in certain celebrity and elite circles, not much has really changed.
When Women Had a Seat at the Table
Mrs Bennet’s world feels limiting, but early Indian history tells a very different story. In Vedic times, women were active participants in intellectual and social life. They were educated, engaged, and confident enough to question ideas that shaped society.
Texts like the Rigveda mention women composing hymns, contributing to philosophy in meaningful ways. This wasn’t just a symbolic inclusion but real participation, with women holding space in conversations that mattered.
Then there was Gargi, who challenged kings and sages in open courts with questions about the universe. Maitreyi chose knowledge over wealth and wanted people to understand the self rather than inherit riches.
There was also the concept of stridhan—wealth owned by women and passed down through generations—offering a level of financial independence that feels surprisingly modern. This access wasn’t universal, but within certain spaces, women had visibility and influence.
They weren’t standing at the edges. They were part of the conversation—and sometimes, leading it.
When Protection Became Restriction
History, however, rarely moves in a straight line. As societies became more uncertain, the need to protect women became stronger—and slowly, that protection began to reshape their freedoms.
Practices like purdah limited mobility, and stepping outside often meant veils and supervision. Education faded, replaced by domestic expectations. Child marriages became more common, narrowing choices before they could even form.
In trying to protect women, their choices slowly shrank. It probably didn’t happen overnight.
“Just be careful.”
“Maybe don’t go out alone.”
“This is better for you.”
And slowly, the boundaries settled in. In some regions, practices like sati emerged, tying a woman’s identity entirely to her husband’s life and death. Widows faced a lot of rigid restrictions—social isolation and strict customs.
What families believed was protection slowly became a limitation that was never questioned.
Reform, Resistance, and Change
Change arrived slowly. By the 19th century, reformers began challenging deeply rooted practices. While Raja Ram Mohan Roy campaigned against sati, which led to its abolition in 1829, Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar pushed for widow remarriage.
Education became a turning point. Savitribai Phule opened schools for girls, teaching despite hostility and opposition. The freedom movement added new momentum. Women stepped into public life, as leaders and supporters. Sarojini Naidu, Kasturba Gandhi, Aruna Asaf Ali—each helped shape a stronger, collective voice.
Post-independence, legal reforms followed—voting rights, inheritance laws, and greater personal freedoms. The framework began to shift, even if everyday realities took longer to catch up.
But we all know that while change on paper is powerful, in practice it takes time.
A New Kind of Independence
Today, women are everywhere—classrooms, courtrooms, and boardrooms. The shift is visible, and in many ways, undeniable.
Take P.V. Sindhu—focused, consistent, and competing at the highest level. Or Nirmala Sitharaman, holding one of the most powerful economic portfolios in the country while navigating intense public scrutiny. Or Kiran Bedi, breaking barriers as India’s first woman IPS officer—proving that leadership doesn’t come with a fixed mould.
I’ve seen friends make choices that would have raised eyebrows a generation ago.
“Not now, maybe later.”
“Career first.”
“Or maybe both—but on my terms.”
And slowly, those sentences are becoming more normal.
Independence today looks like having your own income, your own decisions, your own timeline. Technology has helped too—opening doors to learning, working, and building without waiting for permission.
But even now, familiar questions linger:
“When are you settling down?”
“How will you manage everything?”
The stage has changed. The script… not entirely.
The Reality That Remains
There has been progress, but there are still many obstacles to overcome. Dowry is still around, just in different forms and often hidden within traditions. Safety concerns, workplace harassment, and domestic violence continue to affect daily life for many.
We often assume these issues exist only in lower-income sections of society. But surprisingly, they are seen in middle and upper-class families too—just less visible and more hidden.
Even among women in top positions, the reality at home is often very different. Many continue to carry a larger share of household and caregiving responsibilities, alongside demanding careers. Men are changing, but not at the same pace everywhere—and the shift is still uneven.
With little support, many women manage work, home, and caregiving together. Independence is not always easy in practice. At one end, women lead companies and countries with confidence. At the other end, many are still fighting for basic safety and dignity in everyday life.
Still, resilience shows up in quiet but strong ways. It is seen in how women keep going, adapt, and rebuild, even when things are not easy.
Choosing the Script
We’re at a point where a lot has changed—but not everything. Opportunities have opened up, but expectations haven’t really gone away.
Be ambitious—but not so much that it makes people uncomfortable. Be successful, but still easy to adjust. Be independent… just not “too independent.” Sounds fair on paper. Feels very different when you’re living it.
At the same time, something has shifted. More women are making their own choices—moving ahead, stepping back, or doing things differently. For the first time, it doesn’t feel like there’s just one right way. From protected to restricted, from empowered to still figuring things out—that’s been the journey so far. Not perfect, not complete, but moving.
There are contradictions, trade-offs, and small wins that don’t always get noticed—but they matter. Maybe that’s where the real change is—small, steady, and easy to miss.
In having the space to question, to choose, to change direction.
Not a finished story—just one we’re learning to write as we go.
PS: I may question how women are portrayed in Pride and Prejudice, but it’s still my favourite romance. Blame the story—or Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. Some things, clearly, don’t need reform.
Iti Mattoo, retired after 30 years in the IT industry, now enjoying her creative pursuits.
Thank you Iti, for your article. It deserves to be in conscious thought. I sincerely hope it reaches as many readers as possible, for serious contemplation and collective awakening.